Being the Friend of a Cheater

There’s always yelling. There’s always fighting with a pinch of destruction. Accusations, guilt, condemnation, and anger rule these moments. You only get to hear the aftermath from a guy or girl holding their head down in shame. No matter how much you forewarn or speak up against it, it always seems to end in heartbreak. There was nothing you could really do, because you’re just the friend of the cheater.

One of the things I abhor is unfaithfulness. The audacity of a being to boldly declare their affection for one, only to go out into the world and offer that same affection to another person that doesn’t deserve, nor knows what to do with, said affection. It is the complete entry into depravity. It is a human willfully becoming pure selfishness, lawlessness, greed, evil, and misery.

We’ve seen the stories aired over a billion times. Yet, we never learn. Your conscience, arrogance, or laziness will eventually bring your demise. There will never be feelings of rightness associated with such lewdness. How many times have you heard, “I was right for cheating on you!”? Yet, we allow frustration, fear, lust, impatience, bitterness, revenge, and confusion take ahold of our morality every time. Never have I seen a happy ending from cheating. There is only insecurity built upon the graveyard of deception, brokenness, and failure.

The truth of the matter is, regardless of the circumstances, a cheater is wrong. There is no justification for adultery. There is no end to justify the means. It is always a better decision to break the bond you have before breaking the heart with infidelity. There will never be a day when cheating is the right thing to do.

Knowing this, I heard another confession of cheating enter my ears. Not too many really think, or care, about the affect cheating has on their loved ones. It’s not just the one you directly cheated on. Everyone associated with you is affected when you cheat. There is no containing the fallout after cheating. Everyone gets badly hurt.

As the friend of a cheater, have you ever seen the ex-girlfriend or ex-husband of the cheater after the separation is done? Do you ever wonder what they think of you after finding out? Do you really expect them to believe you didn’t know your friend was cheating? It never paints a good image, and cheaters fail to recognize that. You are permanently scum in someone’s eyes for “allowing” your friend to cheat. I dread the day the wronged ex-boyfriend or ex-wife asks, “Did you know?” What comfort would the truth give them?

Every time I hear anyone I know is out cheating, I chastise them. I let them know they are wrong, and I don’t hold any punches. I’ve seen enough relationships end because of cheating to know it is evil. I am very direct and adamant about remaining faithful, and if you can’t be faithful, leave. If you can’t leave, confess you did wrong so they can have the right to choose whether to stay or leave. However, I do not control people. How would you stop your friend?

I’ve given the side-eyes, I’ve had the long conversations, I’ve thrown scripture after scripture, I’ve taken away phones and car keys, I’ve pulled friends from their intended targets, and I’ve told more than enough people to go home. They don’t listen. Even after they’ve been caught before, and seen the misery they caused for themselves, some still return to cheating sometime later. It’s infuriating.

For those wondering, this is not directed at any friend of mine. The deeds have already been done and the relationships already ended. I am reminiscing. If you think this post is about someone you and I know, that is your speculation. I would suggest confronting the one you believe is cheating, especially if you are in a relationship with that person. With this disclaimer, I ask, is it wrong to confess you know a cheater who is currently cheating?

I ask this question because somewhere down the growth of humanity, it became acceptable to quietly watch people ruin their marriages and relationships through betrayal. It is frowned upon to let the victim know about their cheating lover. We’ve watched husbands contract STDs from mistresses and transferred them to their wives. We’ve watched wives lie to their husbands and say their child is theirs and not another man’s. The rich have bought the poor with money and nondisclosure agreements. The twisted have gone so far as to “live two lives” and cheat on two families at the same time. Why can’t we tell people their lovers are like this!?

I hate being the friend of a cheater. It always puts me in the awkward position of minding my business and watching someone destroy people. Why can’t I tell the boy his girl is out entertaining men? Why can’t I tell the woman she is being faithful to a scumbag? Why am I the one getting criticized into silence? Must I continue being friends with a deceitful person? Many people seem to think so.

You’re wrong for disconnecting from your friend. You’re wrong for telling their business like that. You don’t understand how it feels to have needs and not get them. You’re so high and mighty! Why can’t you just mind your business? I hate it!

Cheaters, do you ever think about the people you rope in with your lie? Why do you ask innocent people to cover for your infidelity? Why can’t you just breakup with the person instead of cheating on them? Why must you have both the mistress and the wife; the side piece and the main piece? Why do you always make innocent people either tell your lie or force you to leave your relationship!?

I despise cheating because every cheater has the one thing I’ve been desiring for twenty years: a romantic relationship. You get to spoil someone. You get to be loved on. You get to have the fights that make you grow. You have that special someone who keeps you in line. You have that one pushing you to do better. You have the one you get to have sex with. You have the intimacy, companionship, children, family, and love. And somewhere down the line, you said forget all of that, started nitpicking small things instead of continuing to grow, and gave it all up. You didn’t just sever ties, you gave what you owed one person to another. I pray I never cheat on anyone I claim to love. It sickens me.

Call me naïve, but romance seems to be the greatest relationship, outside of God, humanity has ever discovered in this life. To see so many people acquire that relationship just to heave it angers me to no end. There’s a slew of reasons why relationships don’t work. The main reason they don’t work is because people look for a fleeting feeling rather than commit themselves to a never-ending action. We get caught up in infatuation and forget that the passion changes over time. I could give a million reasons as to why your relationship went sour, but none of those reasons excuse your dishonesty, betrayal, selfishness, and disloyalty.

I hate being out with the wives, knowing the husbands have been cheating. I hate helping the boyfriends love their cheating girlfriends better. I hate feeling trapped because my friends would feel wronged if I left them. Aren’t we all sinners? Don’t we all need forgiveness? Did God abandon us in our sin? Didn’t Jesus fellowship with sinners? The devil has taught some to use the scripture as justification for sin and the connection to it. Cheating was always the wicked choice, and you were wicked for doing it. Where do we go from here?

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