If Your Father Forgives
- The Novelist Dario
- Jun 7
- 7 min read
The Lord convicted me when He said, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”[1] This was in response to Peter when he, someone I view as a better man [disciple] than me, asked God how often he should forgive his brother. Peter, like so many of us, tried his best to understand the heart of God, but fell completely short of the standard, thinking he should only forgive seven times.
Peter probably stated seven as if it was an impressive number. Forgiving someone seven times is a lot! Yet, Jesus laid an entire four hundred and ninety on him. He increased the requirement to forgive by four hundred and eighty-three! Not only did He increase the standard, but then followed that statement with a parable about forgiveness and how the Master of heaven would do each of us should we not forgive our brothers (and sisters).
It amazes me how we can read such a parable and go out in the day never forgiving people of past wrongs. Not only do we not forgive, but we hold grudges, gossip behind their backs, telling everyone how wrong they are, and mask our irritation with tolerance. Every day we sin against God, hoping He forgives us. Yet, when others sin against us, we have only wrath to give them. Why?
Did not James state, “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.”[2] How then, do we think we are too good to forgive? How do we refuse to reconcile? We are all guilty. We all have issues. Why do we let the pain of being unforgiving linger when it should die?
Make no mistake, I understand that not everyone is seeking forgiveness. I understand that not all are safe to reconcile with. I fully understand that. Even in the parable, the debtors are begging to be forgiven. In Peter’s original question, he asked how often he should forgive his brother, not a stranger, associate, or less connected person. There is room for those who wish to remain at an impasse. However, I believe that the stalemate should be on their end, not ours. Let them hold onto the evil, not you.
Where we mess up is refusing to forgive because we did not get our apology. We get caught up in how they spoke to us, accused us, tormented us, overlooked us, or abused us. Clinging to such negativity only opens doors for Satan to use us against one another. I’ve seen it.
Brothers fight brothers. Fathers attack daughters. Mothers offend sons. Sisters bicker. Cousins gossip. Children disrespect parents. Grandchildren are added to the drama. Families, brotherhoods, sisterhoods, and friendships all marred, for what?
Pride is a dumb thing to close a door for. “Don’t they know who I am?” Who are we but more humans needing God to save us from ourselves? “Don’t they know God speaks to me?” He speaks to all His children. Why do we deem that experience as something unique to just us? Why do we think these interactions with God make us leaders on morality?
In all of our offense, we lose out on the possibility of God working through us and through those we need to forgive. How much kinder could our words be if we took less offense and gathered more forgiveness? How much could a person change because we loved them through us being offended? How much better could our movements be if we didn’t refuse to reconcile when the hearts are willing?
Too many of us are okay with just forgiving and not reconciling. “They aren’t going to change.” God gave us years to defeat our stronghold and some of us didn’t change for at least a decade. “They just don’t value me.” We don’t value God a tenth as much as we should. “It’s just too much for me.” Did God not get on the cross and give His entire life, His skin, His blood, His words, and His peace for us?
I understand not everyone is meant to return into your life. Seasons have their moments and we move on. However, some of us have ended relationships because we didn’t get over ourselves and endure. There is balance. I’ve felt guilt for having to cut some people out of my life. Though I was justified, it did not come to the conclusion God would have wanted for us. That, I do know. However, there are relationships I’ve endured offense through, and they have flourished as a result.
I believe there is wisdom when the Paul says to not let the sun go down on your anger[3]. I believe there is wisdom when John requires us to be Christ-like[4]. There is wisdom when Paul demands fathers not anger their children[5].
God forgives us daily and He made us in His likeness. If we are to say we are of the faithful, or believers, we need to exercise such compassion, restraint, kindness, and forgiveness. God did not just forgive us, so we could just not forgive the next person. We must reconcile!
God did not say, “Your sins are forgiven, but do not come to Me all who are weary. That season is over.” Jesus did not say, “God, forgive them, for they know now what they do… But they can’t come with us to heaven.” So, if God, Jesus, and the Spirit are not saying that, why do we believe we suddenly have the right to say it? If God did us half as bad as we do others, we’d be devastated.
If you are tired of the disrespect, give it to God. If you are tired of being overlooked, give it to God. If you are feeling like engaging is pointless, give it to God. Whenever Jesus grew tired, He went off to pray with the Lord[6]. However, He always came back to speak with the Jews and Gentiles. He did this while knowing that Judas would betray Him and the Sadducees and Pharisees would conspire against Him to have Him killed. They even tried to kill Him before the cross! Yet, He did not forgive and leave. He forgave and reengaged with all hope to save them from themselves. May we all find such strength to deal with one another.
We do not have the rest of our lives to wait on our apologies. Some of us are holding onto grievances from our children that will destroy our children if God takes us from this earth. Do you really want to leave this world without forgiving everyone? Is it worth that risk, considering the parable I started this thought with?
The Bible says that Jesus said, “… ‘And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.’ “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”” The king handed his servant to torturers for being unforgiving. Perhaps, you need to ask yourself who haven’t you forgiven, if you are currently being tormented. We never know.
While my hope is that you reach out to the people you haven’t forgiven, and attempt to reconcile, it would be against my better judgment to not warn you. I would advise against you putting yourself in danger in order to reconcile. If the person you need to reconcile with wants to harm you, leave it be. Even Jesus departed cities for a while when the citizens tried to kill Him. If reengaging runs the risk of abuse, consult God, be wise, and follow God’s instruction. However, please remember God did say, “Remember Lot’s wife. Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.”[7]
Lot’s wife tried to remember her past life as it was destroyed under fire and brimstone, and she was destroyed for it. Do not cling to past faults and past ways of handling things, lest God finds you unable to be of good use and removes you from the earth. Do not cling to withholding forgiveness, lest God feels it is needed for you to be given over to the torturers.
Final warning, remember Jonah. Jonah was thrown into the ocean during a raging storm because he could not forgive his home country of Nineveh[8]. He fled and allowed his bitterness to cause him to disobey a direct order from God. Then, God sent a storm (a torturer), a whale, and also a worm to remove that anger from Jonah. Do not be the one that needs all of this for God to get you to reconcile. With love, it’s not about you. This whole thing we call life is about God. If God wants you to forgive and reconcile, do it without delay, backbiting, or moping.
I hope we all listen when God asks us, “How’s that backstabbing friend? Check on them.” I pray we all obey when God says, “Your ex just lost their parent. Go and comfort them.” I remain in faith that when God sends us to reconcile, we will go. For some of us, we will need to go to a country. For others, we will need to return to a neighborhood. Some will have to visit a gravesite. Some will have to rehash childhood trauma. Regardless, may we all be found obeying God’s instruction and operating in the Spirit’s wisdom.
May your seven multiply by seventy,
The Novelist Dario
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