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The Core of My Heart

It has come to my attention that I have been living closer to the identity of Ecclesiastes 1:18[1] than Hebrews 11:1[2]. I find myself less confident in humanity than I have ever been. As a result, I have been having bouts with bitterness and fury. I had a piece written in my head, called Covid Confessions, which I was going to physically write, but I grow tired of complaining. I had to take a closer look into what my heart really wants.

I want Covid-19 to be defeated. I want humanity to pull itself together and forgo connection and contact for three weeks so the virus can be choked out. I want there to be a big celebration of reunion once this is done, and for everyone person on Earth to be more responsible with their health and the health of others going forward.

I want everyone to realize it’s not just about how you feel or how affected you are, but about your methods of living potentially harming others around you. It would be great to see people who are contagious avoid people who are healthy so no one else has to be sick. It would be awesome to see people encouraging one another rather than ridiculing every microscopic action. It would be great to see people help one another rather than fight each other for toilet paper in a store that will restock before the week is finished.

I want to see people stuck in the house together find new ways to love one another. How warming would it be to see a couple that thrived because they were often apart find a way to be even greater together? How awesome would it be to see the father, who was abusive, receive the understanding that life is fragile and use that lesson to be affectionate to his family? It would be cool to watch the alcoholic, usually drunk every evening, find the hope and courage needed to overcome the misery they feel. I want our families and communities restored.

I want people to connect. I want justice for Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, and countless others, even from other races. I want judges, policemen, and politicians to admit they did citizens wrong and seek reconciliation. I want the media to apologize for manipulating the masses under the guise that they are simply reporting. I want to see moments of true humility and humanity, where we avoid the actions that cause sadness and hurt. I want people to value people.

I want our government and corporations to care more about the people that make them money than the money itself. I’d like for them to continue paying their employees during the pandemic for an entire month, without profit, knowing that their employees will be responsible with their time away, and return, ready to work, after being off for so long. I want insurance companies to refund the money they didn’t need to the responsible payers that make them rich. I want banks to refund the interest they received on their loans instead of continuing to capitalize off of it. I want people to trust more and for people to be more trustworthy.

My heart longs for the goodness of God to rain down on the weary souls of this earth. I wish we recognized the love of God waiting for us. I wish the churches relied more on true faith than the appearance of faith for fame and fortune. I wish more churches opened their doors to the recovering sick so that the hospitals could have enough room to treat patients. I wish the Church as a whole took this virus and these protests as opportunities to pray and seek God earnestly. I want the Church body to hear from God and respond with one accord.

I want every race to be on one accord. I want our skin tones to be celebrated, not mocked. I want the prejudices and assumptions removed. I want every individual to be treated as an individual rather than a collective. I want us all to be seen for who we truly are.

I want the truth to expose the lies. I want the secrets and distractions wiped out. I want to be able to live my truth as anyone else, and have them live their truth. I want the ultimate truth to be acknowledged and accepted. I want us all to know what the ultimate truth is. I am tired of being deceived and seeing others be deceived.

I want many things in this life, but ultimately, I want us all to know who Jesus Christ is and what He did, does, and will do for us. I don’t want people to suffer eternally for their choices here, but I do want justice for their actions in this life. I don’t want “churches” deceiving congregants and putting peoples’ eternity at stake. I want pastors preaching the whole Bible, not just the parts that sound good. I want everyone to know the love and wrath of God.

I want us all to love each other better. Less judgment, less hypocrisy, less selfishness, less greed, less “their problem” and more “our problem”, less “mind your business” and more “how can I help?” I want more responsible votes by more voters. I want the end of the two-party favoritism that is American politics. I want us all to win, whether in success or learned lessons from failure. I want us all to thrive.

I still believe humanity can turn it around. I believe it because there are really great people in this world. It’s hard to not see the bad when there’s so much of it, but there is much good in this world as well. It’s all about perspective. I want to go back to hoping in humanity. This requires every man and woman to better themselves for the sake of others. I am working on bettering myself. Will you join me?


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