When did I become repulsive to you?
No, seriously, when did I become repulsive to you?
You avoid me like a plague and I don’t know what to do.
Texts have become one-word sentences.
Calls feel like prying into your business.
Hanging out feels like obligation.
When did your friend become the villain?
You treat me like spoiled milk,
Stick up your nose and act all sick.
Our friendship is past expiration.
Why?
I have been here through every time of need,
And now, you respond so mean to me,
“You made me angry.”
“You can’t volunteer yourself in places where you’re not invited.”
Since when did a friend need an invitation to be a friend?
You make me feel like sin.
Pray to the Lord and declare you’ll never do it again.
Your secret failure you’ll take to the grave.
You don’t want to answer questions about me because you’re ashamed.
I bet all of your best friends don’t even know my name.
You make our friendship feel meaningless.
Why did we have all those experiences?
I blame myself ...
Holding you in my arms felt like wealth.
Riches from the spiritual realm
That refuse to be cashed in reality.
I let myself believe I could do this forever.
Never had I felt such peace,
But dealbreakers…
Ever since then,
It has only felt like a slow crawl to an end.
The favorite toy the Father wants to take away.
The putting away of childish things.
Am I becoming a man,
Or am I just now realizing this was always your plan?
You’ve only wanted to leave
Since we could not be who you wanted us to be.
Three times you’ve texted “goodbye” to me,
Only to come back and try again.
Why?
You make me feel like a mistake,
And it’s a shame,
Because, sometimes, I still daydream
About the day you married me…
I hate that about me.
The part of me that clings to a good thing.
Refusing to admit it’s not for me.
Thus, holding up some other man’s blessing.
Selfishness has never aided me.
Yet, I want to stay.
Even if you always run away.
I’ll earn that “babe” once more.
I’ll make you regret not hugging me!
Foolish me… thinking I can change anything.
There’s a reason our hugs have become shoulder leans.
You despise me.
I am the bee sting in allergy season.
You can’t breathe.
I am the itch you cannot scratch that will not leave.
You are furious.
I am the caressing touch of a creep in a nightclub.
You are in disgust.
I am the ringing alarm after the fifth snooze
Alerting you that there’s a job you hate that you have to go to.
You are too through.
It is true.
In truth, I can only be sin for you…
Well… if I am to be sin,
I’ll come for you every chance I get.
To get rid of me, you’ll have to commit.
Fight alongside Christ and defeat me!
I am the self you must die to daily.
So be it! Slay me!
Slay us, slay our friendship, and slay every memory!
My God has not forsaken me.
I’ll gladly cling to His body as you crucify me.
Together to the pit will I go bitterly.
As dramatically as I have ever done,
I accept this defeat in peace.
Let the screen fade to black as we end this scene.
Some seasons are worth turning into journeys.
Some memories should be made into masterpieces.
Some feelings should be inked into poetry.
I hate what I have become to you.
I hate that I still don’t know what to do.
Instinct begging me to give up and remain solo,
But the heart finds it harder and harder to just go.
There’s a part of me breaking in the innermost.
Perhaps, you are truly breaking through me, your stronghold.
Victory chants for the saint who overcomes her sin.
Applaud as she triumphs over all us men.
She was not defeated. She was not drowned in fire.
She cut them all off, and shot down each admirer.
All hail the resilient Daughter of God!
All praises to her as I’m consumed in the Lake of Fire.
My sweet death is what you desire.
And your desire is all I’ve ever wanted…