Being a man can be so stupid
You can spend decades
Becoming the version of you that is deemed good
Just to have an audacious woman say,
“You don’t understand the struggle in
Not understanding why you’re not married
Or in a serious relationship.”
Like you haven’t wanted to be wanted
Or desired to desire
Planning out the course of your life to include a wife
Since second grade
Yet, reaching twenty-three and realizing
A degree doesn’t come with a loving relationship
Standards don’t include women accepting the challenge
Having your stuff together does not guarantee attraction
You reach thirty-five
Lessons stack upon lessons
Teaching
A good job doesn’t translate to prospects
Owning a home doesn’t add attention
All the benefits don’t erase abstinence
And there’s no worldly benefit in being godly
Imagine, listing two pages of baby names
Studying different languages and meanings
Making sure your baby girl’s name is Beautiful
While your son’s name is Grace of God
Envision, playlists for wedding stages
From ceremony to reception’s closing
Number of songs and guests reaching the hundreds
Understand, I purchased a sedan rather than a sports car
Because I expected to have my children in the back seat
And the little part in me reserved for hope smiled
Thinking of a car seat being visible from my rearview mirror
Every year, I celebrate the birthdays of children I expected to give baby cousins
And here I am being told I haven’t had to think about
Understanding why I’m not in a relationship
The damage is excessive
Because why don’t I have to tell a woman how this feels
But a woman will think I have no clue?
I know the pain of rejection
I, too, have been friend-zoned
I was even rejected when she admitted I was a good man
And each time, I returned to the drawing board in my mind
Wondering, “What triggered the rejection this time?
Was I boring? Was I too spiritual? Was I too poor?
Was I demanding? Was I too fat? Was I pious? Was I ugly?”
Why do I see ghosts in spaces reserved for the living!?
Each time, the Lord had to visit me
Saying, “Your mind seeks a question it cannot answer.
Relax, move on, and trust in the Father.”
It is painful listening to hopeful, “She’s going to be a lucky lady,” comments
Turn into, “What is going on?” complaints
“Don’t settle,” becoming “Your standards are too high.”
“You still have time,” devolving into, “Keep this up and you’re going to die alone.”
People are cruel despite being so flimsy
And Ms. Ditzy thinks it necessary to accuse me of extremities
All because she didn’t qualify
Projectors are for sports, movies, and video games
Yet, you play with me
You labelled me a good man
Yet you think it’s okay for you to arrive as a bad Bichon Frisé
I came, a husband
But I must wait for you to know what you even look like as a wife
Somewhere in that twisted mind, you think that’s alright
You see me as the next pastor of a megachurch
But I have to hope you will learn to be my first lady?
Women will tell you that you’re a catch
Whilst never positioning themselves with open hands
Letting you crash into the ground, missed
Overlooked
But I’m the one who doesn’t understand
What it’s like to not understand why you’re not married
Or in a serious relationship…
…I, the good man…
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