Oftentimes I wonder about your thoughts on what I said.
Friends don't do what we did to each other.
Hash out across the internet and then run for cover.
Every day I think of you, I feel like my mind is dead.
Stuck in the rotation of seeing my final hours.
Seeing you hold that single, red flower,
With curls twisting down you face.
Smile melting my heart away,
Tan skirt hugging your waist,
Freezing all psychological function to witness your beauty.
I hugged you goodnight but I wanted an embrace.
I kissed you on the cheek but I wanted your lips.
The conviction was so strong.
My soul yearned for you, but my flesh was weak,
And now, what was left has been erased
To prevent my mind from thinking of you.
I feel like such a fool.
Saying all I had to say and saying nothing altogether.
I wait for you to salvage what I have done.
I don't want to hold back. I want to be free!
The burden on my shoulders grows heavy.
Burst into tears why don't you!?
Tell her you were wrong!
Be man enough to admit it!
We should've talked it out face to face,
Conversed over dinner plates.
I desired to show you I wanted a change.
Advance beyond friends to the status of lovers.
I'd rather hold you underneath the covers,
Fill your ears with the words of God,
Show you how far you could go.
I intended to grow.
No one else inspired this.
You should realize:
You are maddeningly beautiful in everything you do.
From the long conversations to the smell of your shampoo.
From the bravery you showed when you cut your hair,
To the elegance you express in the things you wear.
You are a treasure chest full of heavenly blessings.
How I wish I could’ve collected on my findings,
But you turned from me and hid your face.
Now I am plagued by the last time I felt your embrace.
Aromas filling my nose as they trigger memories of you.
My breath on your shoulders,
My arms around your waist,
Swaying to the beat of the music.
You wanted to dance
While I just wanted to hold you.
Hugging that black dress as if it was my last chance,
And I still let you go.
A coward too afraid to show what he felt inside,
To sweep you from your feet and carry you in my arms.
Don’t bring the pain back.
I only wish to express how I felt.
And since our relationship has faded,
I turn to these pages feeling jaded.
I can’t stand cowards,
But that is what I am.
I executed a prolonged plan,
And let you slip from my hands.
You were a goddess in my eyes; I needed to come correct.
I refused to defile your body simply out of respect.
It wasn’t supposed to be viewed as a lack of interest,
But I know I failed when I refused to also be persistent.
I didn’t want you to have the upper hand.
If you had that, forget all methods to become your man.
Doomed to chase you like a hungry lioness after meat,
Only to later find you questioning my masculinity.
Still, I tried to be subtle and get to know you
Without saying I wanted you,
Thus, pushing you further and further away.
I regret every day I didn’t pursue you to the utmost,
Ignoring all pressure so I could be at peace around you.
Please be gentle. Don’t brag or boast.
My heart is finally vulnerable to you, my beautiful angel.
The sweet little angel I met so long ago.